Thursday, November 5, 2009
Sometimes life is just an 11-month-old border collie giving you the staredown
Has this been a crazy, mixed up, intense year for you? Or is it just me?
I wonder this as I read the news and analyses, people's blogs, and talk to people.
Anyone who says this has been an easy year is either independently wealthy or living with a bag over their head, although I doubt that would really be easy.
In keeping with my normal tell-the-truth-and-it-will-set-you-free attitude, I have to let you know that this has been both the worst possible year and one of the best for me.
I bet you can guess what the best things have been—meeting customers and bloggers, designing malas for people to use throughout the world (thereby hopefully helping to increase positivity EVERYWHERE!), my growing and lovely children, my 20th anniversary with a great man, and my growing and lovely new dharma center.
Among the worst things have been—getting a cuddly, fuzzy border collie puppy that turned out to be Cujo with bad teeth (although she is improving her manners daily), listening to the sad stories of people who've lost jobs and homes, being part of the care team for my mother, whose health has gotten worse and worse this year. Finally, to round out this recent thoroughly miserable part of the year, we lost a brother-in-law, an old friend (Goodbye, Sinesia), my parents' cat, and the partner of a dear friend—all died within two weeks. I'm not even mentioning the additional deaths that affected other people I'm close to.
So lately it's been a real test of faith and patience. I just can't stand it when people suffer, so I try to pray for them, and I know it helps but sometimes you want to SEE the positive results. Only raising the dead and curing the old and sick would be the type of results that would satisfy me, and I'm not there yet. So it's been time to endure, go deep, perhaps to the bottom, and slowly emerge refreshed.
Talk about dark night of the soul.
But refreshed is how I feel now. I have a new feeling of being lighter and accepting all that I can't control. Each day is sacred. I figure if I'm lucky I may have 30 years left and I want to take total advantage of living them Exactly the way I want.
Which means just what I've been doing—a daily practice, creative spiritual work, art, motherhood...
But it means less of the feeling of dread and responsibility. Because none of that helps.
Again, as the post title says, sometimes life is just an 11-month-old border collie staring you down. (You know they're just one step away from being wolves.)
Next exciting stop, The Olivenhain Craft Fair in Olivenhain California on November 14th. 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. I don't do many craft fairs—this is the only one in a year, so it's pretty special to get to talk to live customers and friends. Come on by if you're in the area. I'll let you know in pictures how it goes!